I've been thinking a lot about loss lately.
I have had so many people tell me they do not know how I feel.
I would tell you, you do.
It is exactly as you imagine.
Hell.
There are so many times that my mind thinks about the way things could have been.
Wondering what life would be like, if Bradley had been typical.
Food he would be eating.
Chairs he would be sitting in.
Toys he would be playing with.
Messes he would be making.
Syblings he would play with.
Things he would tell me.
I do not pretend to understand what Mothers of children who have passed know.
I've been there.
I am there.
I am dealing with loss in my life right now.
And though Bradley's body and spirit are still here with me,
there is a hole of what he could have been all around us.
And the loss I feel is real, and deep, and could almost swallow me up sometimes.
And that is why Elder Shayne M. Bowens talk spoke so sweetly to me during conference.
I have learned that the bitter,
almost unbearable pain can become sweet
as you turn to your Father in Heaven and
plead for His comfort that comes through His plan;
His Son, Jesus Christ; and His Comforter, who is the Holy Ghost.
I testify that because of Him, even our Savior, Jesus Christ,
those feelings of sorrow, loneliness, and despair will one day be swallowed up in a fulness of joy.
I testify that we can depend on Him and when He said:
“I will not leave you comfortless: I will come to you.
Yet a little while, and the world seeth me no more; but ye see me: because I live, ye shall live also."
And because the Savior lives, Bradley and I will live also.
We will have it ALL returned to us one day!!!
