Sunday, July 7, 2013


Bradley turns 2 years old in less then 2 weeks!
As we approach his second birthday, I'm so grateful that we have had the time we have.
Each day more is a blessing, which I am grateful for.
I'm settling into something that I didn't know I'd ever be.
My confidence is gaining. My understanding is deepening.
I am the Mommy of a miracle.

One of Bradley's physical therapists was here for her monthly visit recently.
I really enjoyed the conversation.
Sometimes I think she comes to give me therapy!
And we were talking about muscle contractures.
I asked her more about them.
Every therapist, that has ever evaluated Bradley, has looked for muscle contractures.
I know what they are.
I see other kids with them.
The tightening of the muscles that cause their arms or legs to make unusual shapes.
Their mommies who work to stretch their arms and legs while they wait between appointments.
I've seen them.
And the therapist said that children with neurological disorders are prone to muscle contractures.
I said, "Well why doesn't Bradley have them then!?!"
And she finally cleared something up for me.
She said that Bradley appears to be more on the flaccid side.
Very loose.
Very relaxed.
That if he became spastic, he could get them, but for now she was glad to see he was loose.
I told her I wished he wasn't loose. I wish he held up his head and could sit!
And she said if she had to pick a way to be, it would be to be loose.
Loose like Bradley's muscles are.
Free and relaxed.
She said the tightness of the muscle contractures is painful; like a muscle cramp.
And it can cause great discomfort.
And I was suddenly grateful that Bradley has never held up his head.
For the first time since his birth, I was grateful for his flaccidity.
Bradley is such a sweetheart.
He is amazing to deal with this frustrating body like he does.
He continues on.
Never failing.
Never wavering from this weak body that cannot do more than a newborn's.
I know that Bradley will never walk in this life.
I don't think his brain can do it.
It cannot hold his muscles in the right way to make him do anything.
Instead of his brain making his muscles tight, it makes his muscles super loose.
 I'm starting to come to peace with it.
It's okay.
He's always in a very relaxed position.
And I'm glad he is relaxed.
Isn't that what every Mother wants for her children?
Even what Heavenly Father wants for his children?
That we have peace.
That we are free.
That we are relaxed and not afraid and not tortured.
Grateful for the loose nature of Bradley's muscles tonight.
Grateful he can have peace.
Grateful he can relax.
It finally is giving me peace because I can recognize that he is at peace.
I'm am grateful for peace tonight.
It has been an over looked blessing.