There is a girl at PT who's name is Gracie.
She is in a motorized chair that she can drive herself.
She cannot talk.
She has an ipad on her chair and she types things into it and the ipad talks for her.
Her Mom drives a van with motorized ramps and the plates "4UGRACIE".
Gracie always has a huge smile on her face. Ironic how her name suits her.
She always points to Bradley and smiles.
One day she almost ran us over when we came in the door because she was so excited to see us.
Today her mommy said that she would hate to have to wear a helmet like Bradley.
And she remarked that Bradley didn't seem to mind it and what a good baby he is.
I told her "he is!"
I told her that we are trying to get him to hold up his head.
That the helmet is supposed to help.
I told her that he has health problems you cannot see.
Thyroid, a g-tube, seizures.
I told her that we are waiting on a diagnosis.
She said that Gracie has been waiting for a diagnosis her whole life.
The conversation stopped abruptly when we were called back.
I told Bradley's therapist what Levin had said about being diagnosed.
She said lots of her kids that go undiagnosed, eventually are diagnosed with cerebral palsey.
I told her I'm afraid of that.
I told her I'm afraid of a chair.
She told me not to fear it. She told me a diagnosis will do so much for us as far as getting help.
I just don't want a kid in a chair. Mostly because of the logistics.
The physicality of taking him with us.
Needing a different car.
Needing a different car.
Being able to stay in our two story home.
Potty training, school, marriage, normal life stuff.
I'm scared of what being in a chair means for Bradley.
I'm currently fighting with the insurance to get them to pay some bills.
I'm also trying to get help from the government.
Because for a kid like Bradley, there is never enough money.
And I had a terrible afternoon of being on the phone the entire time,
while trying to make dinner and do homework.
The kids are so loud!
And I was rushing around trying to get things done, and I had left Bradley on the front room floor so I could hear the other person on the line.
And when the phone calls finally stopped, I came back and sat on the chair near Bradley.
And he rolled over twice to be closer to me and kicked my foot to get my attention.
And I suddenly noticed him (because he was kicking me)
and I picked him up and realized he IS making his own way EVEN with his physically challenges.
And Bradley is not sad about any of this.
Infact he's very happy about his life.
And he is my shinning example of how to do it.
Just do it, however you do it.
And be happy :)