Friday, November 16, 2012

The Hip Child

I don't know what my deal was today. I just felt like throwing crap away.
And I finally tackled my closet of baby things.
Slings I have not be able to use yet, because of Bradley's lack of trunk control.
And it made me think about something I had read while I was pregnant,
about a society that left a new mom alone until her child could sit on her hip.
Could you imagine?
I'd still be stuck in my house!!
 And a friend graciously took them off my hands. Thank you!!
They were just too heavy for me to deal with anymore.
And my nursing bras went in the trash too.
 Because it doesn't matter anymore that Bradley cannot nurse.
It doesn't matter!!
While we were in the hospital,
I had the awkward situation of dealing with a neurologist whose practice I was leaving.
Thank goodness his partner was covering the week for him.
And I was glad to see Dr. Mallar.
She was the neuro Bradley saw his very first stay in the PICU.
And she still has her black purse.
And she keeps a reflex hammer in it. lol!!
And she came into see us.
And I told her I was done with Halthore,
because he told me he would no longer treat Bradley without a diagnosis.
And she understood, what I was saying and explained what Halthore should have said.
She said that MRIs reveal abnormalities that cause seizures,
 like masses and other things in the brain.
She said that Bradley's MRIs have never shown any masses.
He has an unexplained seizure disorder.
And epilepsy is a sign he has a syndrome.
All of his conditions are consistent with a syndrome.
And I understood what she meant.
And I told her, that I have known there was something
wrong with his body since the first time I met him.
And she nodded and said, "See; you know..."
And she saw the holes in his legs from the IO and understood why we hadn't checked his levels.
She understood my dilemma.
And she also remembered how they struggled to get a line in him during his first stay in the PICU.
And I've decided I will stay with Dr. Mallar for now.
I need a doctor who will come see Bradley at Sunrise.
Because Sunrise is our second home.
It doesn't matter that he is not yet a hip child.
I still have hope he will be someday.
But for right now, it doesn't matter.