Wednesday, November 7, 2012

The Ripples

When the seizures come all I can do is hold on and hope he comes out of it.
He's been doing a warning cry lately, so I know right before they come.
A distinctive cry. You would know it if you heard it again.
On my birthday he had two. We dosed him with his normal medication. He stopped.
Then on Monday he had 5 seizures before noon.
I took him to St. Rose, because I was in the neighborhood.
But Bradley never had a seizure the 6 hours we were in the ER there.
And the neurologist was consulted.
His level was low and the medication was upped.
And on the way home he had another one.

And the next morning (which was yesterday) he had 4 by noon.
He was taking the higher, prescribed amount.
And I called his neurologist after the 6th and said that I would take him in if I need to.
And the nuero said it takes a bit to adjust the level with the meds
and that if they didn't stop on the third day I should call.
He had the 7th and he went to bed.
But at 4am I was awakened by a heavy breathing full of secretions.
And I flipped on the light and pulled him into bed with me.
And he let out his warning call.
And I held him and cried.
And within 15 minutes he did it again.
And 15 minutes later, again.
And I asked Tom to give him a blessing.
And we walked into the ER at Sunrise and I told the nurse.
And she remembered us.
And she took his vitals and he suddenly had a fever of 104 F.
And she gave him a Tylenol and as she closed the diaper he let out the call again.
While he did it she hooked up the pulse ox and saw that his saturation was fine.
Then he went pale.
He continued coming in and out of it.
She took us back to a room.
And suddenly he called out again.
But this time he turned grey. And his sats dropped.
And she unhooked him from the wall and grabbed him off the bed
and said he was going to the trauma bay.
And he was surrounded by 6 nurses, a doctor and an RT.
And they started asking me questions.
And he was jerking and not breathing. His face was twitching.
They tried to get an IV and they could not.
So they placed an IO.
An IO goes through the bone and gives meds thru the bone marrow.
They use a drill to place it.
And I started to cry.
 And I knew he wasn't feeling it.
He wasn't feeling anything at the moment.
And they tried three times with the wrong sized drill.
And all I could do was cry and pity my small child who jerked on the gurney.
I said a few prayers.
I told God he could take him if he needed to. That I wouldn't be mad.
That I would feel some sort of relief if poor Bradley could have freedom from this cruel body.
But it finally stopped and I knew that meant his work has not ended.
And that he has more ripples to make on the hearts of many more.
And everything about him is memorable.
His name. His conditions. His hard veins. His dramatic entrances.
None of us will ever be the same.
What a sacrifice he has made so that all of us
can realize there is a God in heaven, who controls everything!
I'm hoping his sacrifice is not wasted.
That his impression is deep on each of our hearts and that the change he came to make, happens.