Saturday, October 19, 2013

Forever Changed

 Today marks six full weeks since Bradley returned to Heaven.
The baby wipes he was using are drying out.
And the grass is coming back on the top of his grave.
We also learned this week that Bradley's Medicaid
was canceled because he had exceeded care costs.
The letter stated that we can appeal the cancelation.
I guess I need to call them and let them know he is gone.
The trial we had with him was not financial.
He was always provided for, while he was here.
I'm grateful Heavenly Father took care of that.
Through our efforts and efforts we could not see,
Bradley was always taken care of finacially.
One of Bradley's therapists was at the funeral.
I caught her outside the relief society room after she had seen his body in the viewing.
It's the only time I've ever seen her with tears in her eyes.
She never cried in front of me while Bradley was under her care.
She was strong. Brave. Hopeful.
And we hugged and she told me she was sorry as she quickly wiped the tears away.
I told her I still was not giving up on Bradley.
That I knew I would see him walk someday.
She smiled and she said she knew that was true.
 Last night, as I was falling asleep, Tom was watching a show about a murdered boy.
And they interviewed the Mother and asked her about her son and what she felt with his loss.
 I was prepared to hear how angry she was.
But instead she had incredible faith.

She said she imagined he was in a meadow somewhere soaking up the sun.
Enjoying his time.
Free from the pain of his death.
Free from this world.

And they asked her how she was feeling having lost a son
and she said she has been forever changed.

I know exactly how she feels.
And I'm grateful that my son was not taken from me by a vicious murder.
I'm grateful it was not a sudden accident that ended his life.
 I had time to prepare.
I had picked where I wanted his body to go.
 I had talked about eternal life and the resurrection with his siblings.
And when he passed, I was able to let him go.

I think this trial has been a very good one for me, personally.
Forever changed because I know there is a God in heaven.
He has provided, so much, even in my loss.
I cannot deny that he has been here carrying me through the storm.
I have been forever changed too ♥