Thursday, October 24, 2013

How Great Thou Art

Yesterday I had to drive to a specialty store to get some fabric for a bride.
The store is across the valley, and is near Bradley's lung doctor.
As I exited the freeway, tears came to my eyes, as did many memories to my mind.
All the appointments last summer trying to figure out why he was requiring oxygen.
Him nearly coding in the office twice.
And after we passed the pulmonologists office we passed Nevada Early Intervention.
Memories of my first and last time being there last summer.
The hours of evaluations.
The questions.
Does he reach for objects?
Does he sit up unassisted?
Does he laugh?
Does he cry?
Can you feed him by mouth?
And most of my answers were, "No." and "He used to."
And then their reply was,
"You need to keep trying! Don't give up!"
And I wanted to scream,
And because he was undiagnosed, no one ever knew what to expect.
I was told over and over again that anything could happen.
There was no limit on what he "might" do.
But no one wanted to acknowledge that he "might" die too.
Those appointments were so painful for me.
Bradley's death certificate says cause of death is
chronic respiratory failure,
due to loss of developmental milestones,
due to undiagnosed genetic condition.
I still don't really understand how it happened or how we knew.
But his spirit left his body that night,
and all I could think about was how the doctors were right.
How I was right too.
How they had confirmed my instincts.
His death was very long and drawn out.
Almost a year of watching his brain die.
And now I really am feeling relief as I'm sure he is too.

I imagine he is doing all kinds of wonderful things now!
And I know he is painting in Heaven.
I've seen several of his masterpieces since he's been gone.

He was such a creative force in my life.
I'm certain he's an artist in Heaven.
An inspiration who could never use his legs.
I know he's finally standing at his easel creating masterpieces.
I feel like Heavenly Father did have mercy on us by taking Bradley when he did.
The suffering has ended for all of us.
And I love when he sends me his art.
He was always trying to teach me to look up.
And he still is.