Thursday, September 13, 2012

Special Love

I've been thrust into this special needs world, that I never anticipated being apart of.
And before I was in it, I didn't get it.
I've been surprised how much my heart aches for Bradley.
How this love has overcome me; I'm not sure.
Except he's the only one who is always just out of my reach.
Not doing what I want, whenever I want him to.
I am so subject to him.
Making my heart yearn.

I honestly love all of my kids to the same degree.
But the love Bradley and I share, is so different than ANY love I have EVER had.
Not romantic. Not parental.
Special love.
Coming close to death was a sanctify experience for me.

Bradley's O2 needs have gone down!!
Tonight my head is finally feeling relief. 
He is not requiring help to breath during the day!
 I thought my sweet boy was going to die last month.
That there was no earthly future for him.
I am so grateful to still have him!
 God has really hit me hard with this kid.
Up to this point, I have never had to yield to ANYONE like this.
This love squeezes my heart so incredibly hard.
I am feeling the sun on my face again.
I am starting to have hope again.
My thoughts are thinking of his future again.
I think, I may actually get to raise him here.
Bradley, stay with Momma.
Stay close.
Please stay.
I've been pleading whispers in his ear for a year now.
I'm glad he got to stay.