Monday, October 15, 2012

Anything Is Possible

I had one of my hard days today.
I'm not sure what made today, specifically hard.
I've been going over today in my mind trying to figure it out.
But nothing big or out of the ordinary happened.
Yet the waves of sadness came rolling in.
 Bradley's PT has strep throat.
So PT was canceled this morning, after I had already gotten up,
gotten ready and was about to walk out the door.
Glad they caught me before I had left the house.
So I walked the kids to school instead.
Charlotte was excited to go. So were Maddy and Jacob.
It's something we have not been able to do, because of the heat and Bradley and our schedule.
But today we were able to.
And it was nice to feel like a normal Mommy again.
 And after we got the older kids to the school,
I was enjoying my normal-mommy-ness so much,
 I offered to take Charlotte and Bradley to the park.
Of course Charlotte was ecstatic.
Bradley didn't say much.
When we got to the park, it was empty.
I guess 8:50am is not a normal time mommies take kids to the park.
I remember being a normal Mommy and I used to go at 10am.
So we walked around a bit.
Charlotte rode with Bradley in his stroller, nearly squishing him.
And eventually people started coming to the park. Finally!! 
Then I was caught off guard by several people who asked me what is wrong with my baby.
I do not think it is impolite of people to ask.
I understand what they are asking.
They see tubes.
They see a tiny child.
It's curious.
But their questions, just got to me today.
Like salt on a wound.
I was already walking around the park filled with memories of what
 I thought my life was going to be like at this point.
Saddened by the fact that Bradley still cannot sit in the baby swings.
Terrified of the future.
Glad he is atleast here with us still.
Hoping this isn't my last trip to the park with him.
And then those questions!!
But I held it together.
Told them that he gets food and liquids in his lungs when he eats.
So he has a tube to feed him, and oxygen to help his lungs recover.
And one lady probed deeper and asked if he would grow out of it someday.
And I told her, anything is possible.
And she liked that answer.
It gave her hope.
I think we all are searching for hope.
And that is what is so appealing about Bradley for strangers.
It is apparent he continues on even with trials.
There is hope all around him.
He is a miracle.
MY tiny miracle.
And now I do know that anything is possible.
 We can only go up from here, right?
I still believe in hope.