Tuesday, October 30, 2012


I'm turning 31 tomorrow.
 I'm a Halloween baby.
My Mom's birthday falls on Thanksgiving some years too.
I LOVE having my birthday on a holiday.
It is so much fun!!
So when Charlotte was due on Christmas eve, I thought forsure she would come Christmas day.
But as you know, that did not happen.
She came 15 days after her due date and was born on January 9th.
So when Bradley was due on June 22nd,
 I thought it was totally possible he could come on the 4th of July.
But he didn't!
Instead he came on the 20th of July. 
See how my plans never really materalized?
He reminds me daily, I am not the one in control.
This morning, Charlotte kissed and hugged the kids goodbye and had a sad look on her face.
When I asked her what was wrong she said
she didn't want the kids to go because she would have no one to play with :(
That is an obiviously sad part about being disabled.
Play is confined.
Perhaps I should adopt another child for Charlotte.

And yesterday the Salesman from the vest place called me
and told me all of the wonderful things that would happen with the vest's usage.
He told me Bradley would feel so good, he would hold up his head and be able to walk.
I remember a promise like that from the helmet doctor.
I'm only into this 16 months and I'm starting to feel tired of the promises.
Skeptical a little even. 
And being sixteen months old means he's wearing a lot of clothes that Jacob played in.
And a lot of his clothes have holes, and stains from markers and food from Jacob.
When I first pulled these clothes out, the memories of Jacob and how typical he was
was overwhelming for me.
 But the more I wash the hand me downs, the more the stains are fading.
And holes in the clothes can be mended too.
And Bradley always looks prestine, because he never makes messes.
And that is definitely a silver lining.
And even though I didn't get that typical boy born on the 4th of July,
I still got a pretty neat kid.
One I would never have imagined in my life.
One who is sweet and innocent.
One who reminds me of my Heavenly Father everytime I look at him.
And I can let go of what I thought I wanted.
I just have to do it.