Thursday, October 11, 2012

The Fire

There are so many beautiful facets in my life right now.
A child who has taught me to love MY life.
An expanding crafting business.
My ability to keep up with and understand doctors who are crazy.
My ability to manage all aspects of Bradley's care.
To balance my schedule with appointments and therapies.
Four children who are all in different places, going in different directions.
I joke that when we get to the store Charlotte and Jacob split in different directions.
But literally and figuratively they all do their own things.
And I love watching that!
Tom and I have decided that he's going to quit his second job
because of the money I'm making with my flowers.
 I know that this gift/job/ability to make money has come from God.
He has given me so much!
When Bradley came to our family, I WAS SO flippin' SCARED!
But slowly, I have gained a confidence that I have never, ever had before.
Something that I had seen in others who were more secure with themselves,
but nothing I ever possessed.
I have it now.
I am secure with who I am.
When your child nearly dies, you don't care much about anything else around you.
You no longer care about what others think, when you are at risk of losing everything.
You are so raw. So exposed.
It changed me.
 When this life is over for me, and I see Bradley in all of his glory,
I will thank him for coming to he body that he struggles in daily.
I have done so much to keep him alive.
But he has ignited my spirit and has fostered talents in me that I never imagined for myself.
I am lucky.
The fire is fading.
And diamonds are being left.

IF I had known, what I know now, back when the doctors started telling me he was special,
I would have never prayed and asked Heavenly Father to change it.

There is no growth without the challenge. Without the fire.
I'm grateful, I've been burned.
I'm stronger.
More like the diamond God intended to make when he created me.