Monday, February 18, 2013

The Little Doll Baby

 Things really do happen for a reason sometimes.
Especially in Bradley's life. Things are always working out all around him.
Having in-home care nursing has been wonderful.
The nurse comes and I feel my shoulders and stomach relax.
The first day, the difference, was palpable. I hadn't relaxed those muscles in over a year.
And I slept so well that night. The pressure came off my shoulders.
The whole shift to hospice has done that for me too.
To realize I'm not in control and to let go of that idea.
Our first nurse was good.
She did a great job at helping me feel relief.
But something was missing.
She didn't hold Bradley. Or even talk to him much.
She was good. Very competent.
But it felt like her heart wasn't with Bradley, the entire time she was here.
She was helpful, just not in love with my son, like I selfishly wanted her to be.
And I thought, "Mary, that's is just your expectation. Let it go. She is good enough."
And something happened with billing and she was suddenly taken off our case.
And I didn't have any help for the two days I was expecting help.
And it was okay, Bradley just sat in my craft room and worked along with me.
And the nursing agency called and
said they were sending out a nurse who wanted a job close to her home.
She lives in our same suburb.
And they sent her out, and I instantly fell in love, but I didn't want to get too attached to her.
And when she first saw Bradley she said, "OH, you little doll baby!!"
And that made me smile.
And she was anxious to hold him.
And she sat and rocked him and spoke french to him.
Telling him he was her little doll baby. Over and over again.

And today she said Bradley is the youngest patient she has had in a while.
She usually has older kids.
And she has never had a baby on hospice.
And that makes her sad.
She said once she had a baby who had a hole in between the chambers of his heart.
He was adopted. His parents loved him dearly and took excellent care of him.
And the doctors all said they could not fix the hole because of where it was.
And the family was expecting his heart to go out at some point.
One day she went into their home to do her shift,
after she had received the news that her brother had passed from a heart attack back in Iran.
She said the patient was a overnight patient.
And she paced the floor with him that night, singing to him thinking about her brother being gone.
And she held him in her arms to comfort herself in her grief.
The parents told her in the morning they had heard her singing and asked if everything was okay.
And she told them about her brother and how holding their son made her feel better.
And she left. And later she got a phone call that the baby had too returned to heaven.
And they asked her to come see the baby before the coroner came to pick up his body.
And she went and held him and said her goodbyes.
We had tears in our eyes as she finished her story.
She said that was a very special patient from over 9 years ago and she will never forget him.


And then she said Bradley reminds her of a doll she got when she first came to America.
She had been on a tour of an American doll factory.
At the end of the tour she bought a beautiful doll who reminded her of her own sons.
And she LOVED that doll!!
And she had a jealous boyfriend who made her throw her doll away in the airport.
And she missed the doll very much.
 And with tears in her eyes again, she said,
"Bradley's hands and feet look just like my doll's that I lost so long ago."

I think the lord is having mercy on us in our situation and he is sending us helpers.
Angels to help us through this time.
I love her.
Bradley loves her.
And she loves Bradley.
And for the last bit of his life, I DO want him surrounded by love!!
LOVE is what life is all about!!
Things do happen for a reason.