Monday, February 25, 2013

Respiratory Failure

 It always takes me a few days until I read the papers some doctor or nurse hands me.
I just don't have the mental capacity for all of this sometimes.
And a few weeks after we were admitted to hospice,
 I finally sat down and read Bradley's paper work.
Primary diagnosis is respiratory failure.
I hadn't realized that completely.
But now, that makes sense.
And last week the kids and I ran some errands and took some boxes to the post office.
I thought I should stop and show the kids where we were talking about burying Bradley's body.
Ask them what they thought of the spot.
The sun was just starting to set as we pulled into the cemetery.
A single security guard watched our van circle the parking lot.
I showed the kids the children's section.
I showed them how you could see the mountain that was behind the temple from the plots.
And I asked the kids if they liked the spot.
They all said they did. And it wasn't as sad of a conversation, I was thinking it would be.
And I showed them how close it was to the grocery store; and the post office.
And we drove out to Lake Mead afterward, watching the sunset the entire way.
This land holds so many memories of the last 13 years of my life.
And I fear it will hold one of my most painful memories too soon.
But that beautiful view from Bradley's future grave gives me a lot of comfort.
To see the mountain behind the temple will always give me comfort when I go to visit.
And I know it is a great resting spot for his mortal body.