Tuesday, December 11, 2012

The Door Has Not Closed


Tonight we set up our Christmas tree.
Tom and I have used the same fake tree for 10 years
 but this year we decided it was time to try a real one!
We were out until 10pm last night trying to find a store that still had one that wasn't almost dead.
When we got home, Tom hastily set it up.
All day I looked at the crooked tree in my living room, hoping it wouldn't fall on anyone.
And tonight he came home and we attempted to fix it upright.
Took us almost 2 hours, but we finally got it straight, thanks to my mad skills. 

And the kids were itching to decorate it.
And we had time, so we pulled out all the ornaments. 
Ornaments are so sentimental for me.
 I have lots of picture ornaments too.
Tom and I in our engagement photo.
Every family picture ever taken.
And all of the kids when they turned one; all except for Bradley.
Last year, I told the kids I would put up a picture from Bradley's one year picture shoot.
But that picture shoot has never happened.
I've been secretly waiting for Bradley to hold up his head.
And he still cannot.
And as I looked at our finished tree,
I couldn't help but wonder where were all the pictures of Bradley.
Shame on me for holding him to a silly standard of shootablity!
And tomorrow I'm going to send these pictures of Bradley to CVS to be printed!!
On Monday Bradley had Physical Therapy.
His physical therapist has recently returned from maternity leave.
She had the prettiest little girl!
And as we were ending the session and I was buckling Bradley into his chair, she said,
"Mary, I just want you to know that Bradley could still walk someday!!"
And I told her I knew that. That I still had hope Bradley would do more.
And she said,
"I know you have hope. That is why you still come.
But I just want you to know that I had a little girl who had regressed.
 She was 6 and wouldn't do her exercises anymore.
She stopped walking after we had gotten her to.
 And I thought for sure her door had closed, that her time was up,
 and when I came back from Maternity leave, I learned she had started crawling again!!
 She's coming back from the regression!!"
She said,
"Sometimes I do have children who the door has closed for
and that is hard news to deliver to a parent,
but they are usually much older, like 15 and 16.
And I just want you to know, we don't know what Bradley can do.
It is possible Mary. I just want you to know that."
And I had chills up and down my arms and tears in my eyes
and I told her I still have hope that he will hold up his head and walk someday.
And she told me she does too.
 How can you look into his eyes and not see hope?
It is all around him.
I know there is a God in Heaven because of Bradley's eyes.

I am learning the door only closes if we close it.
Anything can change at any moment.
We do not control the universe.
Someone else does.
And no matter what, I still keep my door open trying to let the hope in.