Tuesday, January 29, 2013

Next To Me

In most stories, the hero doesn't die.
But I have a feeling my story will not be like most.
And as you can imagine, my heart has been very heavy this week.
And the children are old enough to know what's going on.
And I have always been a VERY open person.
And so I am VERY open with my kids.
And the discussions we are having right now are very intense.
And lots of tears are shed by me and by them.
 And tonight Jacob was crying and telling me
he didn't want to be without his baby brother in this life.
And that just makes my heart hurt.
This is NOT what I was planning!!
I wanted Jacob to have a brother to play with!!!
And sometimes it feels like my dreams are falling apart.
And I've been thinking a lot about Bradley being with me, even after his body is gone.
That his spirit will stay around us.
And that he will be with us.
And that the grave will not separate our family.
And as Jacob was sobbing, and I was hugging,
I realized that Jacob was lucky to get to have his brother next to him for the remainder of his life.
And I said,
"Jacob when you go on your mission and leave your family,
you will still take Bradley with you.
When all the other boys have to leave their brothers, yours will be there with you the whole time!!"

And Jacob thought that was pretty cool.
And I told him that Bradley will be around us always.
And we are lucky we get to have him next to us, always!!!
 I've been listing to this song.
And thinking about how God is always with us.
And if God is always with us, then when Bradley goes to be with God, Bradley will be with us too.

Our loved ones do not leave us when their bodies die.
They are all around us.
It's these bits of knowledge that make going through this trial, easier!!