Thursday, December 22, 2011


I'm attempting to make fudge this year.
I'm not having any luck.
If it sets up; it's grainy and crumbly.
If it's smooth; it never sets up.
We had to eat out tonight because the kitchen is a disaster.
I will try again in the morning.

As I was cleaning the kitchen tonight and wiping down every surface,
I got to the spot on the counter where I keep all of Bradley's medications.
And I thought to myself:
"I cannot believe I have a bowl on my counter full of prescriptions for my 5 month old baby"


And there are moments where I'm still processing what has happened.
And I feel like at any moment I'm going to wake up from this dream.
But I never do.

And right after that Tom came in and told me he thought Bradley's Mickey button was clogged.
We went upstairs laid Bradley on the bed and took his button out.
The whole time I was shifting my weight back and forth and telling Tom "I can't do it!"
And after we pulled it out
(it took some force because of the pressure)
we saw that it was in fact clogged with a wad of string.
We both said "Ewww"
I rinsed it under hot water, put it back in and it was working again.

This year has been an attempt to make me more than what I WAS.
There have been several times that I've felt like giving up or running away.
But somehow I've made it through.

And hopefully I will finally make some good fudge that is creamy and melts in your mouth and firm.
And it will be SO perfect I will forget about all the mess I made trying to perfect it.

And I think that is what God is doing with me in my life right now too.
And someday I'm going to be so perfect I will forget about the mess I am currently in.