Monday, July 9, 2012

The Chair

I missed Grandma's funeral on Saturday because Bradley and I have had a horrible cold.
Actually the worst cold I have ever had.
And we stayed home in case Bradley's cold caused him other complications.
Tom and the three other kids packed and left Friday afternoon.
On the drive Tom said he and the kids had some deep conversations about death.
And Tom was able to bear his testimony to the kids about Heavenly Father's plan.
And Tom said Madeleine knew quite a bit about death and the life after and he was surprised.
I told him it is because I've had to have talks with her about it, because of Bradley.

My children have been dealing with the realities of death since Bradley's birth.
Death is so much closer and earlier in their lives, than it ever was for Tom and I.
I know there must be a reason they are experiencing these things in childhood.
There is something in each of their futures that this experience is preparing them for.

Today Bradley was fitted for his wheelchair.
The dealer came to the physical therapy appointment.
He measured Bradley and asked me questions.
We talked about headrests and side supports.
And g-tubes and oxygen tanks.
And the PT and the dealer were talking about things I don't understand yet.

And he said we would most likely get approved for a base for the chair
since we live in a two story home.
The chair we picked is mostly grey with accents in your choice of color.
We had the choice of blue, pink, green or orange accents.
I picked orange, which is Jacob's favorite color.
I'm sure it is Bradley's favorite color too and if he could talk I think he would tell us so!

The dealer was very careful not to overwhelm me with questions or hurt my feelings.
And when I asked he said he was sure Bradley needed a chair
 and he would do everything he could to get the insurance to cover it.
I've never shopped for a wheelchair before.
I hope everything goes really smoothly and
we get it in the three month time frame they are expecting.
Bradley is growing out of the infant car seat/stroller very quickly.
And I'm not sure how I'm going to go grocery shopping with it, but I know we will make it work.

Bradley not walking was one of my biggest fears when
I brought him home from the NICU last September.
And now I am facing that fear everyday.

Life makes you face your fears, doesn't it?
And even though I am surprised Heavenly Father sent me Bradley,
I really understand the wisdom in it.
He is making me grow.
He is making me face my fears.

I plan on squishing my fears.
And someday I will never be afraid of anything, ever again.