Friday, January 13, 2012

What Dreams May Come

I had a dream last week and I've been thinking about it ever since.

In the dream I was at another ward member's home.
She was holding a scout activity and teaching different crafts.
I was looking around at all the boys and the different things that they were doing.
My attention was caught by a 14 year old boy who was very attractive.
He had black hair and the cutest face.
I kinda had a crush on him.
I noticed his young arms and how strong and toned they were.
He was learning how to feather sculpt and was quite good at it.
I asked him to make me a feather.
He smiled and I was taken back by his good looks.
He reminded me of Tom, when we were younger.

It was time for me to leave so I left pushing Bradley in his stroller.
We walked out into the cold dark air and I suddenly felt VERY scared.
I was alone in a really bad neighborhood.
I was far from home and I didn't know how I would ever get back on foot.
I kept thinking about that boy and wishing he'd come and rescue me.
I got to a bus stop that was full of people and I looked down at
Bradley and he was out of his belt and flopped over.
I straightened him up, and buckled him back in.
I asked the people if this bus went to Henderson.
They didn't know.
I tried to call Tom and my cell phone would not work!
I felt so alone, so cold, so scared.
AND I could not stop thinking about that boy and wishing that he would come save me.
I woke up and realized, that boy was Bradley.

My eyes sting today from crying.
I have been fretting all day.
My boy won't hold up his head.
He's six months old in a week.

When I went to get Jacob from school, I opened Bradley's door
and he was flopped over in his car seat.
His head almost touching his toes.
It's like he has no strength or something sometimes.
It is a regular occurrence.

I don't know what it means when you cannot hold up your head.
I know that physical therapy weekly has not helped much.
And the exercises that they show us how to do, we practice constantly, with little improvement.

I'm so worried that Bradley is NEVER going to hold it up.
I'm so worried that there is something more that we don't understand with him yet.
We have put off seeing the neurologist at the advice of the pediatrician.
But I'm starting to think that we do need to go see her.


I just want him to be the normal young man I'm dreaming of.
The young man I imagined when I heard he was a boy.
That is what every Mother wants.

AND I don't know if he will be THAT in THIS lifetime.
But I know that God wanted me to see who he really is and so he gave me that dream.
And I cannot wait to see Bradley like that.
 In this life or the next.
I have hope for that day.