Sunday, January 1, 2012


I've been dreaming about holding Bradley on my hip.
I look down and to my left and he is there staring up at me with his beautiful long lashes.

I'm longing for the day when he finally has enough body control to do it.

Last night I thought I'd try to get him to do it.
I spread his legs and wrapped them around my side as I supported his back.
I looked down at him like I do in the dream.
And he let out the loudest yelp you have ever heard.

It's not time yet.


Everyday he gets better.
Looks better.

But I feel like I'm watching a REALLY slow movie.

I'm just impatient.

The docs all think, that for him, he's doing great.

And as his Mother that first qualifying statement really bugs me!

I want him so badly to be like my other babies.
But the truth is he's not my other babies.

"This is a world in which we are to prove ourselves. The lifetime of man is a day of trial, wherein we may prove to God, in our darkness, in our weakness, and where the enemy reigns, that we are our Father’s friends, and that we receive light from him and are worthy to be leaders of our children—to become lords of lords, and kings of kings—to have perfect dominion over that portion of our families that will be crowned in the celestial kingdom with glory, immortality, and eternal lives."
Brigham Young

A few weeks ago we were sitting in the foyer at church.
A friend of mine who had her baby 4 days after Bradley, came walking in.
She was holding her boy on her hip.
I shot a look at Tom.
After she passed I told Tom that Bradley wasn't a hip baby yet!
Tom said her baby didn't spend time in the NICU or unconscious either.

We are judged according to ourselves.
The judgement will not be a comparison.
We will not be judged against our peers.

What a merciful Father we have.
And as Bradley's Mother, I judge him according to his whole existence.
 (others do not)
And that is how we will be judged by our Father.
He will take into account our WHOLE existence.
He will understand where we've come from, and what we've been through.
And only he can do that!
Because he's the only one who has really known us from the beginning.