Monday, February 13, 2012

I'm Still Looking Up

Bradley had his MRI today.
He's a baby so they had to sedate him because of the noise the machine makes
and they needed him to hold VERY still.
I warned them about his veins.
And the anaesthesiologist said he had already had three pediatric appointments this morning.
He used a wide tourniquet.
He found some veins.
He poked them and poked them.
And I learned something this time that I didn't know!
When they give a patient an IV they know they have gotten a vein
 when the blood flows out into the needle.
And Bradley's blood doesn't flow.
While he was poking him, Bradley was screaming, and I felt like leaving!
I have always left before when they have done crap to him.
But today I just kept thinking, "It's okay, this is just his earth stuff."
Hearing my Mom's voice in my head was a comfort.
And I also kept thinking "I cannot walk out on Bradley; I have to be here for him, and be strong!"
And even though he was crying, he didn't give us too much trouble for how much he was being poked.
Six pokes later, the anaesthesiologist calmly asked "His blood doesn't flow?"
I said "Yes"
So the anaesthesiologist said "lets try it" and hooked up some fluids.
The nurse said "IT'S DRIPPING!"
And we all looked down at his arm, which looked fine like the fluid was going into his vein.
We watched it for a minute longer and then the anaesthesiologist started the medication.
Within ten seconds Bradley calmed and closed his eyes like we knew the medicine would do.
The IV worked!

And on the way home I heard this song:

When I look into your eyes
It's like watching the night sky
Or a beautiful sunrise
There's so much they hold
And just like them old stars
I see that you've come so far
To be right where you are
How old is your soul?

I won't give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I'm giving you all my love
I'm still looking up

'Cause even the stars they burn
Some even fall to the earth
We've got a lot to learn
God knows we're worth it
No, I won't give up

I don't wanna be someone who walks away so easily
I'm here to stay and make the difference that I can make
Our differences they do a lot to teach us how to use
The tools and gifts we got yeah, we got a lot at stake
And in the end, you're still my friend at least we did intend
For us to work we didn't break, we didn't burn
We had to learn how to bend without the world caving in
I had to learn what I've got, and what I'm not
And who I am

I won't give up on us (no I'm not giving up)
God knows I'm tough enough (I am tough, I am loved)
We've got a lot to learn (we're alive, we are loved)
God knows we're worth it (and we're worth it)

I won't give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I'm giving you all my love
I'm still looking up

 (Jason Mraz)

As much as I wanted to, it was good I didn't give up and leave.
Bradley needs me for more than just cuddling and food!
I am his helper in this life,
and I'm still amazed God saw fit to give HIM to ME!
Sometimes I feel so unworthy!