Friday, September 9, 2011

Life and Death

Picture taken at home when Bradley was one week old ♥

There is a family next to us in the NICU who's baby is not doing good.
 The family has all come in because they think the baby may die.

It makes me so sad to see his Mommy. She looks so sad.
 Empty belly. Hair a wreck. Tear stained cheeks.

Bradley's Doctor today told me she does follow up with pediatric hospice only.
 It took me a while to realize what that meant.
She takes care of babies and children who are dying.
What a place I have been at for the last five weeks!
The NICU and the Maternity ward are the floors with the most hope in the hospital.
The other floors are full of the sick and dying.

Death is so hard on us left behind.
My wonderful aunt Terry passed yesterday morning. I still hear her laugh in my head.
She was such a wonderful woman. So lovely and so sweet. Such a good Mother.

This summer we've had so many loved ones pass.
Both our dear Grandpas. Two of our former Bishops. Tom's uncle. My aunt.
And with everything I've dealt with with Bradley, I have had one crazy and emotional summer.

But all this death has made me appreciate life more.

I remember leaving Bradley one night at the PICU when we thought he might
die and coming home to my bed and holding Charlotte for a VERY LONG time.
We didn't kick her out of our bed that night.

I look deeper into my children's eyes now and realize what a miracle they are.

How wonderful it is to have them in this life.

How wonderful that God has entrusted them to me.

And when Bradley finally does come home,
I imagine curling up in bed with him for a VERY LONG TIME.

Thank you God for giving me Madeleine, Jacob, Charlotte, and Bradley.
And thank you for preserving our lives.