I had a plan.
This was my plan:
It was so perfect. Two girls. Two boys.
I had everything I had ever wanted; exactly when I wanted it.
My plan did not include this:
But I guess my plan has ended and now God is taking over.
And the one who really IS in control, has show that he is.
And all I can do is sit here and hope that I can deal with what he decides to do.
O how great the plan of our God! For on the other hand, the paradise of God must deliver up the spirits of the righteous, and the grave deliver up the body of the righteous; and the spirit and the body is restored to itself again, and all men become incorruptible, and immortal, and they are living souls, having a perfect knowledge like unto us in the flesh, save it be that our knowledge shall be perfect.
2 Nephi 9:13
I have always had a healthy body. So has Tom. We made three REALLY healthy bodies.
And then we made Bradley's. And I don't blame myself for his body being the way it is.
But I HOPE that one day it will be made up to him and that he will get his perfect body.
The poor baby.
In a hospital bed.
And when he gets out of that bed, I know for sure he will not be fed the way a normal infant is.
And I know for sure he will always have to take specific minerals that his body lacks.
And I don't know much past that.
And I HOPE that there is not more than that.
I'm understanding what it means to HOPE.